I’ve had an epiphany, and it all started with yesterday’s scripture study.

Whenever I read my scriptures, there’s usually a phrase or word that the Spirit highlights. It comes as a thought to look into it more, or my heart flutters with that familiar piercing warmth, which brings me to tears in most cases. It’s a gentle nudge that I look forward to when I study. 

Yesterday was the story of Alma the Younger in Mosiah chapter 27 when he was trying to destroy the church and dissuade the people from believing in Christ. What struck me was the intense feeling of the Spirit when I read, “...he became a very wicked and an idolatrous man. And he was a man of many words, and did speak much flattery to the people; therefore he led many of the people to do after the manner of his iniquities.”

I didn’t understand it at first. Of all the verses, why did I feel the Spirit so strong with this one? Especially, with its content. It felt so random and a little confusing. And if I’m being honest, I was uncomfortable that He was inviting me to take a look at my own heart (which He was…haha, no surprise there). I immediately began thinking about the world and how “others” in the media (in all its forms) deceive and propagandize information for personal gain. It became a “them” problem. But the Spirit wouldn’t let me point fingers and make it about anyone else. So, I began to dig. 

I first tried to understand what idolatry meant because when I think of idolatry, I picture the movie from the 1956 film, The Ten Commandments, when Moses walks down from the mountain after speaking with God to find all the people dancing and worshipping a golden calf. In my mind, it’s taking a thing as your God, as in praying to and honoring it the way we do with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. However, that’s a very superficial way to see it. Idolatry is cloaked in deception. It’s hard to identify because we don’t typically kneel and pray to our idols. There’s only one God I pray to, and while the Spirit confirmed the truth of that, He also invited me to ask what diverts my focus, or rather, what keeps me from letting go and trusting Him instead of leaning on the knowledge of others.

God meets me where I am, and I’m currently struggling with control and knowing everything before I do it. I trust the knowledge and expertise of people and technology because data, statistics, and reviews prove their effectiveness. It’s not just that, I feel inspired to write about something, but for it to have “reach,” it needs to be SEO optimized, have a catchy title, and subheadings for easy reading and scanability. It needs to have an intro that grabs attention with a call to action at the end, and pretty, eye-catching graphics, followed up with a perfect printable to add value and give people something in return…blah, blah, blah.  

On one hand, I had the Spirit inviting me to write and share my experiences as inspired and prompted to do so, on the other, I had to do it the “right” way (the world’s data-driven-proven-stamp of approval) or it wouldn’t work. It has become so intimidating and frustrating that I don’t do it at all, or it becomes so manufactured that it loses my voice and authenticity, so I hate it, and I feel miserable.

Two of my idols, but believe me, many other things divert my focus from Jesus Christ:

• External Validation: something that takes the place of true fulfillment, self-worth, or a higher purpose. When individuals elevate the knowledge, opinions, and approval of others above their own internal compass, values, or spiritual beliefs, they are essentially worshipping an external standard
• The Fear of Judgment: The intense fear of being judged negatively by others can become a driving force, leading to decisions based on avoiding shame rather than pursuing genuine meaning or growth. 

Oof…there it is, Friends.

I had a conversation with Heavenly Father that went something like this:

Father, I can’t do it. Social media, crafted content, none of that feels good to me. I don’t know how to do any of it, and I’m exhausted from trying to figure it out. I’m done.

I didn’t receive an answer right away. The Lord let me sit with it. Then, while I was driving to work this morning and listening to the rest of Mosiah 27, the piercing warmth of the Spirit hit me again when I heard:

“And they traveled throughout all the land of Zarahemla, and among all the people…publishing all the things which they had seen, and explaining the prophecies and the scriptures to all who desired to hear them.

And thus they were instruments in the hands of God in bringing many to the knowledge of the truth, yea, to the knowledge of their Redeemer …

They did publish good tidings of good…(Mosiah 27:35-37).

It became clear. Just write!

So today, I’m letting go of the perfectly crafted data-driven, technology-supported, expert-advised content. I’m done creating flow and Grammarly constructed sentences (minus punctuation and spelling errors. I'm not an animal!). Ya’ll get the errors in structure, weirdly-worded sentences, and all the feelings of a devoted heart. 

Today’s journal entry felt natural and good and everything I wanted it to be. And that, as it turns out, is exactly how the Lord intended. So, I dedicate this post to His capable, powerful, and miraculous hands. 

Now for a title, haha 😜